I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
