There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
