i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
