I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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