you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
