they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she smelled like a LAN party
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
