Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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