He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
