ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
