Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
