how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
