im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
