twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
