Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Someone signed my nipple.
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