Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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