The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
