I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
