Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
