I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
