end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Girls should come with a carfax report
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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