dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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