sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
