life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
