Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
