sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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