i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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