is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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