There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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