Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
