we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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