these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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