another moral hangover. fuck.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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