Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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