all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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