Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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