Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
