I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
