I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
