there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
