Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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