i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Everything about him screamed your future.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
