After last night, I could never be a politician.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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