Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
