My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
