Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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