our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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