You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
