Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
