I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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