We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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