Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
